Its funny how fast life can turn around when you let it. Today is one of those days when nothing can get you down. Today started last night actually. There was a regional YSA fireside at which I was to sing at. Its funny that for a regional fireside, the choir more then doubled the attendance of others. It was an amazing fireside though and the spirit was def there. I'm so excited, I finally got around to applying for college and financial aid, its awesome, i feel so motivated now :). Would anyone wanna take my ACT for me though? I don't like tests. New friends are awesome and are beginning to play a major part in my new life. One thing that I have learned, we need to talk to our Heavenly Father everyday all the day with no exceptions whether it is easy to or not and whether or not we are in good standing in regards to the church or about to fall of the edge. Everyone is always saying that everyone needs counciling, I agree, but not with the kind of councilor that many chose. Would you agree to the statement that God knows all? How then is it not possible for him to be your counciler? The only thing that it costs to talk to him is your time, and even then, he so freely gives it back to us. I have found that Heavenly Father is the best person to talk to when counsling is needed. We all feel embarrassed to talk to someone that we really don't know about problems that have nothing to do with them, but since Heavenly Father already knows whats going on, why can't we just talk to him? He answers our prayers, how long he takes depends on us. He may answer during the prayer or at a much later time. I love how mighty and powerful my Heavenly Father is and how quick he can heal my broken heart when I let him. I do need to say that Heavenly Father is not alone in this, the healing that takes place and the counciling received can not be accomplished with out the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the price that he paid so that we can return to our Father. I really am liking my hair being longer, but, The Church has suggested shorter hair, and I know that I will be blessed if I follow. A thought that comes to mind, the things that we do minute to minute, are they things that edify each other and lift each other up? We are all in great need of being edified. Edifying each other I believe to be part of charity, and we can not be truly happy with out charity for charity is the pure love of Christ.
I find it interesting that so many times when you try to open up to people, the person that wants you to open up is often the one that closes up to what you have to say. Lately, I have friends that have been telling me that I have been putting up a wall and nothing seems to get passed it, but I have been doing everything that I can to get these things out and I have been expressing my feelings, emotions very specifically and yet everyone says that I keep closing up, I don't get it. But I do know that it doesn't matter what other people think because they are not me and they do not know everything pertaining to me and my life.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
LIfe....
So, life right now is crazy. I never thought I could be so busy while having so little to do. I am taking 14 credit hours of institute and attempting to start a company and work full time. But with all the craziness that's going on its all worth it. I'm hoping that ill can stage manage for Herriman's "The Music Man," this summer. I am so excited for the production since I just watched the movie last night. I can't wait to get started on it and get going on rehearsals, set building, late nights, long hours, incurable headaches and all of that other stuff that I just can't simply seem to get enough of.
I'm so lucky, I get to sing at the March 2009 CES fireside and then at the Saturday Afternoon session of general conference. I love singing so much and since I'm not at all as good of a singer as I would like to be, its so cool that I get to sing with people that are way better then me and have way more experience. Not to mention that they are totally awesome people.
I'm so grateful for all the gifts that Heavenly Father is giving me in my life right now. Things have not been easy the past few months but I am finding that as I endure my trials, I am strengthened and become way stronger then I ever was before. Part of my current trials is to face my life, past, present and future. As with all of us, some parts are ugly and it is very hard and almost incomprehensible of how much it hurts to look back into these events. I can't do anything about these past events, but I can control the here now and what leads up to my future and I know that as I walk with God, I never stand alone. He is here, and will always be here as I allow Him to be.
I've lost two really good friends in the past 4 months bringing my total of lost really good friends to about 10. Sometimes, I really wish that they could be here with me. It hurts to think about how my life has changed since they have gone and the only thing that I can find as a strength to carry on is that Heavenly Father must have a much bigger plan for them then what is offered in this life. Death is a very interesting thing and it all plays a very real and major part in our lives. I wish as do you, that it could be avoided. I so often have let my wall down so quickly to people so we can become friends, every time I have, its always ended badly and everyone that I have done this to has in one way or another died. Am I an emotional killer? Well, now I'm trying to keep my wall up and some are saying that I need to bring it down, IDK, life gets so confusing sometimes.
Okay, so I really need to be looking for work. It's hard to want to do this since every place that I have attempted employment thus far, is not interested. I am so ready to be working and be bringing in money again. I have so much vast experience that I can pretty much do anything, but I suppose companies are looking for people that have the degree that "entitles" them to flip burgers even if they have no clue of how to do so. It's the whole books over experience thing going on here. I sleep, a lot. It seems as if its one of my new favorite past times, although I am always tired. sleep 12 hours awake for 3 and sleep some more. Is this healthy?
Since I have been home from the MTC, I have successfully lost 40lbs(2.5-3months). How? I have no clue, it just kinda happened. Which is great minus the fact that I no longer have any clothes that fit me.
Well, you probably knew this would come sooner or later, but, I think I am in the beginning stages of a very long relationship, at least I hope. I would say Her name, but I don't wanna yet. It's so crazy! When I'm with her, everything just seems so right, all of my problems just seem to fade away and nothing matters anymore, all I can do is think of Her. Even right now while I'm writing this, She is texting me and with every text it's hard to keep from smiling even more then before. Sometimes its so hard because she has such a busy schedule and I don't get to see her as often as I would like to. We watched a movie together last night and kinda cuddled. (I wish cuddling was not so awkward for me since I love it so much)I just wanna spend all my time with Her. And why? I dunno, I'm not ready to get married, Being with Her, just makes me feel so good. She is like my other half and She completes me. I have so much more to say, but I have to wait for my thoughts to turn into words before I can say anything else.
I'm so lucky, I get to sing at the March 2009 CES fireside and then at the Saturday Afternoon session of general conference. I love singing so much and since I'm not at all as good of a singer as I would like to be, its so cool that I get to sing with people that are way better then me and have way more experience. Not to mention that they are totally awesome people.
I'm so grateful for all the gifts that Heavenly Father is giving me in my life right now. Things have not been easy the past few months but I am finding that as I endure my trials, I am strengthened and become way stronger then I ever was before. Part of my current trials is to face my life, past, present and future. As with all of us, some parts are ugly and it is very hard and almost incomprehensible of how much it hurts to look back into these events. I can't do anything about these past events, but I can control the here now and what leads up to my future and I know that as I walk with God, I never stand alone. He is here, and will always be here as I allow Him to be.
I've lost two really good friends in the past 4 months bringing my total of lost really good friends to about 10. Sometimes, I really wish that they could be here with me. It hurts to think about how my life has changed since they have gone and the only thing that I can find as a strength to carry on is that Heavenly Father must have a much bigger plan for them then what is offered in this life. Death is a very interesting thing and it all plays a very real and major part in our lives. I wish as do you, that it could be avoided. I so often have let my wall down so quickly to people so we can become friends, every time I have, its always ended badly and everyone that I have done this to has in one way or another died. Am I an emotional killer? Well, now I'm trying to keep my wall up and some are saying that I need to bring it down, IDK, life gets so confusing sometimes.
Okay, so I really need to be looking for work. It's hard to want to do this since every place that I have attempted employment thus far, is not interested. I am so ready to be working and be bringing in money again. I have so much vast experience that I can pretty much do anything, but I suppose companies are looking for people that have the degree that "entitles" them to flip burgers even if they have no clue of how to do so. It's the whole books over experience thing going on here. I sleep, a lot. It seems as if its one of my new favorite past times, although I am always tired. sleep 12 hours awake for 3 and sleep some more. Is this healthy?
Since I have been home from the MTC, I have successfully lost 40lbs(2.5-3months). How? I have no clue, it just kinda happened. Which is great minus the fact that I no longer have any clothes that fit me.
Well, you probably knew this would come sooner or later, but, I think I am in the beginning stages of a very long relationship, at least I hope. I would say Her name, but I don't wanna yet. It's so crazy! When I'm with her, everything just seems so right, all of my problems just seem to fade away and nothing matters anymore, all I can do is think of Her. Even right now while I'm writing this, She is texting me and with every text it's hard to keep from smiling even more then before. Sometimes its so hard because she has such a busy schedule and I don't get to see her as often as I would like to. We watched a movie together last night and kinda cuddled. (I wish cuddling was not so awkward for me since I love it so much)I just wanna spend all my time with Her. And why? I dunno, I'm not ready to get married, Being with Her, just makes me feel so good. She is like my other half and She completes me. I have so much more to say, but I have to wait for my thoughts to turn into words before I can say anything else.
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